“Friends. How many of us have them?” Whodini
When I heard the classic song from Whodini back in 1984, it was the jam to breakdance to and sometimes background music to when I played with my GI Joes and Star Wars figures. Having people we can call a friend is important to all of us. Proper interactions and connections with others are key to maintaining a healthy life. In my life I’ve gained, and “lost” people I call friends.
Most came from school and people who lived near me. Mutual interests brought me close to people and those connections lead to friendships. Some lasted for moments in time, others lasted for years into decades. Time and distance will pass, the majority of the time the bonds will remain. It may not be “best friends” level or the like, but we keep those bonds in person or via social media & the like.
While I have connected with people at work, I never was concerned about “making friends” at work. Since my first job at 13 or so, work was a place for employment and to get paid. I learned early that doing my job, being on time and committed to the tasks given, and being pleasant (being a good person, not kissing ass) would lead to me connecting and building bonds with others. It doesn’t mean that I was indifferent or did not build bridges with people, “friendships” wasn’t a factor in getting my employment and paychecks.
“I see us as family.” Management everywhere
Five words I hate to hear at any job. Usually after that sentence comes talk of doing “more with less,” “keeping focus on the big picture,” and various other buzzwords and phrases that mean how we are cogs in the machine.But don’t fret, the machine “loves us.” Having worked at places that had great comradery, my connection to my coworkers came from us building a rapport with each other. That rapport was built on working together, getting to know each other, and it all building organically. Not because someone in an office that never worked on the ground level/frontlines says so or in an attempt to pacify the staff and ease legitimate concerns that they don’t want to deal with. That person does not get to dictate how a group of people see each other. I’ve dealt with this scenario way too many times.
The problem with the “work is family scenario” is that the same people who speak about employees as family at times will also not hold certain people accountable. In many ways, it’s a lot like real families and how the “favorites” get special treatment. Work should not be like that, you come to work to do a job for compensation. When leaders want to bond with their employees, the worst thing that can happen is giving special privilege and leadway to certain people because of any bias they have for them. I have witnessed and been a part of situations where people were more family than employee and accountability was thrown out of the window.
“Like me or not, I didn’t come here to be liked. I came here to get paid…” New Jack
That is a big reason why I do not go to work with the mindset of “making friends.” Recently I told someone at my job this and it felt like they were puzzled. It wasn’t to be standoffish or to be rude. My intent was to let him know that at the end of the day, I am here to work and get my coin every two weeks. My bills have never been paid based on how good of a friend someone was with me. The grocery store does not provide additional produce for the amount of “people you are cool with” at any given time during your employment. I know I’ll naturally gravitate towards those who are like-minded. And it’s ok if it doesn’t happen.
Instead of worrying if people “like me,” I make it my goal to do what is asked of me the best way I can, learn as I go, hold myself accountable and to a standard that is reasonable and attainable. Being a good coworker/employee makes that happen. “Friends,” not being a friend has nothing to do with my work ethic. This has worked out for me since I was 13, I see no reason to stop now.
“I call my Brother ‘Sun’ because he shines like one…” Method Man
Having said all of this, that doesn’t mean you can’t have people you call friends (or Fam/family) at work. Over the years I’ve built great friendships with people, many of them I am still in touch with today. Some people are “reasons or seasons” as many wise people have said to me. We connected for a certain time and it was genuine & meaningful. Of course as you move you, you also may lose contact or not talk as often. That’s where social media comes into play.
Ultimately how & who you connect with people at your job depends on your comfort level and where you are in life. I have no problem having “levels” of how I socialize with folks. And I am ok with not being invited for drinks after work, I rarely drink and it’s not my vibe. One thing I do make sure is that the respect I give is equal to the respect given to me & my time/energy. Just know I am not here to be a “buddy.” I can possibly (and it’s NOT a goal) work towards that, I am however totally dedicated to being a great employee.